aura
| April 5th, 2008 at 14:22 |Kaity once knew someone who had a seizure anytime she heard Stevie Nicks. No joke. I couldn’t make something like that up.
Some people have auras before they have an epileptic seizure. They see things or hear things or smell things. I’ve heard of someone who smelled burned toast.
Kaity and I were in the cafeteria the other day getting breakfast, and someone was burning toast.
“Epilepsy is right up there with multiple personality disorder on my List Of Things I Never Want To Go Wrong With My Brain,” I told her on the way back to the department.
“Yeah, I’m afraid of Bipolar Disorder. What is it about people who are bipolar that makes them not want to take their medication? I’d be like, ‘Sign me up! Fix this shit!’”
I nodded in agreement, wondering if I should tell her my family’s suspicions of my grandmother, wondering if I have already told her, wondering if she knows how my mind feels like it’s breaking these last few weeks. Finally I say, “Well, when you’re manic, you feel great. You don’t want to medicate because you are finally getting shit done, you don’t want to feel ‘normal’ because that would be lower than you’re feeling already. And when you’re depressed, you don’t want to medicate because you just want to die. You hope that someday you’re brave enough to finally end it. And you spend your whole life oscillating between two extremes.”
I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I was hoping she’d hurry up and respond soon, because we were almost back to the office and I really didn’t feel like talking about it in front of everyone else.
“I guess since I’ve never felt like that, I just have no frame of reference.”
And at that moment, I thanked God (with the obligatory question mark: ?) that she could say that, and wished that I could have.
