dianarchy.net

dey took our jeorbs!

So tonight on the way home from Nate’s/Uno’s/eclipse-watching, I realized that I have been so focused on how rotten I was feeling over the last week or so, that it had become pity. Ugh. I haven’t pitied myself like that since college & the whole suicidal Creighton fiasco.

[Tangent: I'm wicked dizzy right now. Like I get when I have a not-for-a-week cigarette, only I haven't.]

So I decided that I don’t have to feel like this. I can just take everything that’s been said about me in the last week or so in stride and not really care about how it was supposed to make me feel. And hopefully this will make me more fun to be around, since I have been absolutely rotten to people, and it’s just been getting worse.

Also stupid. It’s been an off-week.

But even if I can’t shake the stupids for a while (it’s even like my muscles got stupid - I missed veins left and right today), I can change my attitude. As much as I like being able to bitch about work with Kaity, I don’t actually like doing it. I feel … gossipy. And more than a little crass. I’m not going to stop, mind you. I think it’s good to have a place to vent, and also if Kaity needs it, I want to be available for her venting. But tonight it didn’t feel as good as it usually does.

But back to me for a moment, I decided that I would go ahead and read whatever it was that Marcus emailed me. If I don’t like what he has to say, it doesn’t much matter because he really is about as much out of my life as a person can get. Just like when people ask me what he’s going to be doing in Hawaii for money/car/living arrangements/whatever, I can tell them that it’s not my problem anymore.

Being afraid of getting hurt by something he said is not a good reason to avoid it. It’s like LETTIN’ THE TERRISTS WIN