game over
| January 30th, 2008 at 17:01 |I’ve had a few first dates in the last couple months.
I hate how I’m always second-guessing myself during them. I make sure I look good before I go out the door, and I know I look good. I keep a mental stack of cards with clever stories on them, though I rarely need to use them, because the guys I go out with are plenty interesting enough without them.
But I hate that when I mention Kaity for the third or fourth time, I realize that I really need more friends. But I don’t want more friends. I like the ones I have. Quality over quantity, dig?
And I hate that because Marcus and I dated, talking about him is one of those cardinal dating sins. But that’s ridiculous, because the two and a half years we spent together shaped who I am, and isn’t dating really just a way for someone to find out who I am? Not to mention the fact that he and I are still friends — and that we probably didn’t work out as lovers in part because of it.
Fuck this. I hate playing games. I’ve never been good at them, I don’t know the rules, and I refuse to play them anymore. I refuse to make myself feel bad about what I said or did or didn’t say or forgot to do. This is who I am: smart but ditzy, fat but pretty, funny but esoteric. So there.
