PCOD
| April 25th, 2007 at 18:26 |I’m at an increased risk for uterine cancer, even in my 30s or 40s.
I won’t have children without help.
This explains why I have dark skin on my inner thighs. I’m not part black, Jimmy.
This explains my skin tags.
This explains my fat tummy (even when nothing else is, which admittedly isn’t the case right now).
This explains my facial hair and my acne, neither of which I had in high school. Who doesn’t have acne in high school? Me.
This explains why I haven’t gotten my period in over a year without Provera.
This explains why the sonographers always say, “Wow, your ovaries are really long!”
This explains why my hair has been falling out and clogging my shower drains for four years now.
If I’m understanding the connections between PCOD and insulin-resistance, and if I’m understanding what insulin-resistance is, it explains why I absolutely cannot skip a meal without crashing.
http://www.healthology.com/menopause/video3097.htm
What pisses me off is that I have always said, “There are too many children in the world without homes or families. If I ever have fertility problems, I’m not going to try anything extra. I will just adopt.” And I’ve always kind of snickered to myself and laughed at the impossibility of that happening; my mother had six kids, after all.
My sister has always said (like since she was old enough to get her period, and even before then), “If you ever need my eggs or my uterus, you can borrow it.” I laughed at that, too.
I wanted to be the one of my mom’s kids to give her lots of grandbabies. I kind of figured she’d get one or two from Mike, two or three from Andy, none from Alix … who knows about Ben or Beth. But me … I was going to carry on the legacy of trying to populate the planet and give her six or seven. And I realize that this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense given that I just said there are too many kids in the world. But I think (however erroneously) that there’s a difference between saying, “We are intelligent, healthy, wealthy-enough adults who want to raise a child” and saying, “We’re having septuplets because it was God’s WILL.” No it wasn’t. God’s will was that you have NO KIDS. Is there a genetic cause for infertility? By circumventing nature’s lockdown on your ovaries with expensive treatments, are you condemning your children to the same (or worse?) fates?
Does this make any sense?
If I’m not supposed to bear children, then I’m not going to press the issue. I just wish I was.
2 Responses to “PCOD”
By Axl | Apr 26, 2007 at 5:31 | Reply
I love you.
Mom asked me less than four days ago if I had thought any more about having kids. I do want them. It’s feels “safer” for me when I don’t talk about it; I know I can’t have them right now and I don’t want to either think about it too much and decide against it…or get my hopes up. Deep down, I know it would be the latter.
I love Momma so much, and we were talking last night about how many kids she had, and how sorry I was that I was fighting with them (and by them I mean Beth, who managed to pull both the mormon card and the grandma card within 30 seconds of each other, which resulted in my hanging up on her). I do want bunches of kids. I am so proud of what Mom did, and if I had that many, I’d also have help from my family, which she didn’t.
I just want you to know that there will be babies around you. If my career goes the way I’d like it to, I honestly don’t know how I would have children. But I still offer up my eggs and/or uterus to you; just say the word. Maybe when we live in the same city, and I need to move for my job, my kids could hang out with you for the school year. Maybe the two of us will homeschool all of the kids together, and they’ll be so much luckier than anyone they know, because they had two moms. I will be extra careful to marry someone we both love, and the three of us will have tons of hang out time. Just try to relax and fill up your life with exciting, legacy-esque things (maybe you will write a book!). You are so beautiful, and I love you.
Mom gave you the best, goddess-y name out of all of us, and you were the prettiest baby ever made, and you got all of mom’s strength and all of dad’s intelligence (”well, DUH…your grandmother’s name is BOISVERT!”). I think you left a little bit of all of that in mom’s uterus for me, and beth obviously forgot to pick it up on her way out, SO I HAVE IT NOT TO WORRY> So see?? Once I have babies they’ll be like you, anyway.
I love you love you love you. I think it absolutely sucks that we are so far apart. I don’t want to do anything except be with you right now. If you can, call me.
Everything will be okay. It just will.