dianarchy.net

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

Psalm 37:11

I’ve been thinking about death.

Not in a scared way, or even in an anticipatory way. It’s just come up a lot, without actually coming up.

I found capsules I want for my parents’ ashes, whenever that day comes. Hopefully not soon.

I just found out that my uncle had a “somewhat serious heart attack.” I have no idea what that means. The definition of “somewhat serious” gets even foggier after having worked in Nuclear Cardiology for the last month, and I’ve been brushing up on my cardiac skills after two years’ hibernation. It makes me think about all kinds of things I don’t know that I want to be thinking about. Is “somewhat serious” a quote? A quote from a doctor? A frightened patient trying to brush it off as nothing, in self-preservation? A well-meaning but uneducated family member? I won’t know what this means until tomorrow at the earliest.

I get the heebie-jeebies when I think of being cremated. I’ve always wanted to donate my organs (though my liver’s probably not high on anyone’s wishlist, I’m sure there’s something of mine that people would want). I wouldn’t mind donating my body to a medical school, either (though I think they might be exclusive of each other; I can only imagine trying to tell future doctors, “Well, this is where her kidney should be, but you’re just going to have to trust me on that one.”). Either option would somewhat alleviate the moral badness I’ve been feeling about not donating blood right now. But if for some reason, Earth ran out of places to bury people and new laws said that I didn’t have a choice, that I must be cremated, I found a pretty cool thing to do with my ashes. Take notes, please.

I have a friend whose brother needs a bone marrow transplant. I keep saying that the next time I have $50 to spare, I’m going to get myself on the donor registry. Not that I think I can help him specifically, but I hate to see his family going through this, and I cry when I think that there are more families out there in his same situation.

And I’m writing all this, and not even talking about the two (three) people I’m worried most about. Tracy and Raden (and baby) are doing okay after the earthquake, I heard from Frank. I can’t even tell you how relieved I was to hear that.

And then there’s Ian, constantly on my mind. I can’t even expound on this without breaking down, so I’m leaving it at that.

I cruise through flickr for pictures to set as my desktop. It’s the humanless ones that comfort me the most tonight. Landscapes or flower macros or anything to remind me that if humans fell off the face of the planet all at once, right this second, Life would still go on.

And that just makes me wonder why I write here at all.